I'm turning sixteen this month. And I'm resisting the change with everything in me.

I don't like change. I don't like getting older. I don't like growing up.

And yet at the same time, I do like it. I crave adventure. I long to drive, get my own car, and live life. I want to grow up.

And yet I don't. It's confusing, I know. Perhaps you can relate?

Peter Pan has been weighing heavily on my thoughts lately. So has Neverland. Second star to the right, and straight on till morning.

It's not that hard to find Neverland. Is it?

I posted a status on Facebook, asking my friends to direct me to the nearest Neverland. Thankfully they reassured me that growing up isn't all that bad.

And maybe, I'm thinking, it isn't.

Everyone resists growing up. Adults complain, wishing they were younger. But what would happen if I met growing up with open arms? What if I welcomed it? What if I saw it as an adventure just waiting to happen?A lot of things might change, wouldn't they? The least of which being my age.

I kind of feel like growing up is my impending doom, comparable to the dark storm clouds that linger in the sky. But when I think about storms, an image comes to mind of a ship tossed by the waves. A brave sea-captain stands on the deck. Staring at the storm. Welcoming it. Wanting to take on the danger and the adventure and the rain... and everything that comes with it. I want to be like that sea-captain, as unrealistic and idyllic as he sounds. Adventure is out there, we've just gotta find it.

Maybe growing bad isn't half bad. Maybe I've got it wrong. Maybe Neverland is found when you grow up. Maybe the adventure is in living life, and greeting it with arms wide open.

In the meantime, though, I'll still be looking for Peter Pan.

And on my sixteenth birthday, I'll probably be watching a handful of Disney movies. Just so you know.

After being away for three-ish days for Thanksgiving, I hadn't written a word. It was the same story yesterday. I was ridiculously sick yesterday, due to my fatigue from the aforementioned trip, so I didn't write much.

(Not to mention I got my first bloody nose, cried a lot due to being so tired, and threw up. But that's another story for another time.)

My wordcount at the beginning of the day today was 47,540. That was about 2,500 words away. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to do it, considering I woke up with such a bad headache. (Advil is my friend, though.)

However, I decided that I'd like to finish today, and after my headache lessened a bit, I spent the afternoon writing. I hit 50,000 a little while ago, and I'm excited, sad, and happy, all at the same time.



To be honest, this was one of the worst weeks I've ever had. But now that I've reached 50k, my novel is still going at least reasonably well, and we're decorating for Christmas tonight, I'm thankful. This is the perfect ending to my weekend. The rest of our evening includes putting ornaments on the tree, and watching Elf. 


I'm so glad that good times in life come along with the bad. I'm even thankful for the bad things in life - especially the bad things, I think.

And yes, I'm really thankful that I finished NaNo! There's just one problem: my novel is really, really long. My ending is nowhere in sight, and I have a lot of plot to cover still. Hmm...

At any rate, my Christmas tree needs to be decorated. If you'd like to read more about my noveling journey this November, check out The NaNo Diaries.

And as a final note, this explains perfectly how I feel as NaNoWriMo draws to a close.

Granny Wendy: So... your adventures are over.
Peter Banning: Oh, no. To live... to live would be an awfully big adventure.

- Hook

I put a widget on my sidebar yesterday containing Owl City's In Christ Alone, so that whoever comes to my blog will be able to press play and hear words of hope as they read the words I've written. But I didn't realize it would impact me.

It's been a harder day. I mean, to be honest, I was crying a few minutes ago. Why? Because my laptop is currently unusable.

Yeah. It's kind of dumb, but you have to understand where I'm coming from. My dad is disabled, and I have chronic pain, so the result is that we stay home a lot. Like, all the time. So my computer is my only window to the outside world.

Now, I have other computers to use. But in the midst of everything, that didn't seem to comfort me.

Until I logged onto my mom's computer, went to my blog, and pressed play.

Those words brought everything back to perspective. In CHRIST alone, my hope is found.


Not in a computer. Not in things. Not in my followers.

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again

And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From a life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny

No power of hell, no scheme of man
Could ever pluck me from His hand
'Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I stand 

So, I woke up this morning, anxious to hear news about my grandpa, and the first thing my mom said to me was, "The surgery's been postponed till Monday."

My reaction: WHAT?!?!

Turns out, it's an amazingly good thing, and God is really working here. Grandpa was in pre-op when they checked his blood platelet count and found it was too low. The normal is 150,000, but he only has 80,000. So, his surgery will be on Monday.

If they HADN'T ended up checking his count, well... I shudder to think what could have happened. The platelets allow your blood to clot, and when the count is too low, your blood isn't able to form clots. Well, with heart surgery, that is a very bad thing. So I'm thanking God that this was taken care of.

They're bringing in a doctor to figure out why his count is so low, so please pray that:

1. They figure out why his count is so low, and that they'd be able to fix it.
2. That his surgery would go well on Monday.

Thank you so much, everyone, for your loving comments and your support. It means a lot to me, and I feel at peace even in the midst of all of this.

Well, it's been one of those days. Playing with kids, babysitting, and going to important meetings. I am pretty much brain-dead, so please excuse this post's lack of content.

I wanted to ask you all to pray for my grandpa. He's going to have open-heart surgery tomorrow because he has 90% blockage in one artery. It's a good thing they caught it now, and I'm so glad they did. He's out of state, which is hard because I want to be with him, but he's in good hands - God's hands. And it's not over yet.

I called him on the phone, literally crying my eyes out, and he goes, "Why are you crying? I'm not dead yet! Don't throw flowers on my grave when I'm not dead yet!"
Things were better after that. It was so good to hear his voice.

God told me, "it's not over." Which is amazing because this is one of my absolute favorite songs.

I remember all those nights
Your voice would shake from
The tears you cried
What's the meaning of this life?
Guilt can bring you to your knees
You can't escape the memories
When shame is all you feel inside

Don't look back
(Don't look back)
Leave what's broken in
The past, take my hand
(Take my hand)
And understand

It's not over
The best is yet to come
For us
Come for us
Night has faded
A brand new day has come
For us
Come for us

A million miles from
Where we've been
Hope's a road that has no end
I pray to God that we would make it through
Forgiveness always finds a way
A loving love that fears no pain
Just take a look at me and you

Don't give up
(Don't give up)
We've only just begun
I believe
I believe
I believe

It's not over
The best is yet to come
For us
Come for us
Night has faded
A brand new day has come
For us
Come for us

It's not over
The best is yet to come
For us
Come for us

It's not over
The best is yet to come
For us
Come for us
Night has faded
A brand new day has come
For us
Come for us

It's not over.

What I do when

I'm too tired to fall asleep...

I write lists. About things I've learned at 2 a.m.

1. Sleep is elusive
2. It's probably dumb to drink even a small cup of caffeine before bed
3. Snoring can sound like multiple things, including a duck, a nasally voice, and a buzzer on one of those TV game shows.
4. It is extremely fun to sing and play guitar at the top of my lungs at 11 p.m.
5. Inspiration visits late at night, I've noticed.
6. I'm tired. Very tired.
7. Robes look a lot scarier in the dark.
8. If you scare yourself when you look in the mirror, it's probably a bad thing.
9. It's possible to be tired but simply unable to go to sleep. Believe me, I know.
10. Fuzzy pink reindeer pants are cute, but do not guarantee sleepiness.
11. Blog posts should not be written after 10 pm.
12. I should go live in Owl City. Get it? Night owl? Owl City, where all the owls live and everything? Oh never mind.

But when I look at the stars,
I feel like myself...