I'm going to be brutally, 100% honest with you right now. This isn't something that I'd normally do, but it's taking a lot for me to actually write this post.

I'm overweight. Most of my life, I have been. "Morbidly obese" according to the BMI scales and any website that you'd look on. Fat, in "less kind," but true, terms.

I have a lot of friends who are into fitness. There was a time when I was. I was exercising 5 days a week and I went from being roughly 250 pounds all the way down to 118 pounds. I was about as close to anorexia as you can get without actually being anorexic. I ate about 1200 calories a day and burned off a whole bunch of those exercising.


I wanted to be skinny. I wanted the world to look at me differently - not just as the "fat girl" who eats too much and doesn't know how to be healthy.

And maybe they did when I was a size 2 and looked like I was a walking skeleton. Maybe I looked good by the world's standards. Maybe they looked at me and thought, "Wow, she's got it all together."


But the truth of the matter is, I didn't. I wasn't any happier with myself at a size 2 than I was at a size 16. In fact, pretty much all I cared about when I was thinner was staying thin. I cared about exercising and making sure I didn't eat over my calorie allotment every single day.

When I got myself out of that mindset, I put on weight. I went back up to practically the same size I was when I started. I look in the mirror, and I'm unhappy. I want to get fitter, but I'm scared to fall into the same rut I was in before where I was obsessive about it and that was all I thought about.

But...let's be honest. Is skinny really all that matters? Is exercise the only thing in life that we should worry about? Shouldn't we worry more about our families? Our friends? The people we love? They're not going to care if you're skinny, overweight, if you eat right, or if you don't.

Sure, for health reasons, we should be trying to eat better. We should be trying to get healthy and stay healthy. We should be not eating all the cake and ice cream in the world (although, that'd be fun to try!)

But in the grand scheme of things, there are a lot more important things in life than being skinny. When you're thin, there's always going to be someone thinner.

I guess the moral of the story is: be happy in who you are. Don't overthink it. Don't obsess over being beautiful by the world's standards because they're skewed.

Even those models don't look like they do in magazines.

Be you.

So, I have given up on self-hate. I have given up on looking in the mirror and being mad at what I see. I'm who I am. My pants size doesn't matter. My mind does. My heart does. My life does.


Ashley Strawser is a 20-something writer, Disney fanatic, wine lover, and foodie. You can find her at Ashley Aspires, where she occasionally finds the time to post about Disney, teen girl self-help, and sometimes even a good recipe. But don't expect too many posts - Ashley is busy working a full-time job, and hanging out with her family!

This week, A Novel Idea relaunches. Some of you may remember me participating back in the day, so when Ashley asked if I wanted to help her with it, I was thrilled. I'm excited to bring it back!

This week is a bit of an introduction to talk about our writing styles and what we like to write. For me, this is a hard question to answer because I write a little bit of everything. To start off with, I'm going to discuss my writing journey and how I've gotten to this point.


Without further ado, let's blast to the past!





I was born. I also wrote a story about an ant who was separated from his family. My grandma helped me write it, and she laminated it. I felt so cool. That feeling was what hooked me on writing forever. Thank you, Grandma.

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This week, tell us about your writing style/what you like to write. Whether it’s POVs, genres, tenses, topics, or settings, tell us everything. This can be as deep or as simple as you want it to be--just have fun with it!

Here we are again, back to Fiona Bartulli, one of my soul characters who is always at the back of my mind. Almost an exact year ago, I was featuring her in my BP post, and a couple of years ago, I finished Because We Can close to Fiona's birthday, June 6th, also known as... TODAY. I have a weird habit of celebrating Fiona's birthday, so I figured I'd keep the tradition going this year and answer our latest BP questions about Fiona's childhood, which is kind of a bittersweet childhood. Dun dun dun. Let's do this.


1. What is their first childhood memory?

She remembers a trip her family took to New England for Christmas when they stayed in a cabin. All that Fiona remembers is sitting with her parents in front of the roaring fire.


2. What were their best and worst childhood experiences?

The best: driving on road trips with her dad in his convertible with classic rock playing.
The worst: ice skating and taking a big fall, then being forced to continue ice skating as a sport even though she was scared of it and wanted to quit.



3. What was their childhood home like?

Her childhood home is the only place she lived, and her parents still live there. It's a small white house a five minute walk from a beach in New Jersey. There's a front porch with a swing, and Fiona's room is just as she left it--painted yellow, with an old, ratty pale yellow comforter and childhood/tween posters covering the walls. It's a major trip to the past and nostalgia when she goes back to her house.


4. What’s something that scared them as child?

The dark and the monsters under the bed. She's still not totally convinced monsters don't exist. Actually, she knows for a fact they do--they just are completely different than she expected.

5. Who did they look up to most?

Her dad. She was always closest to him, and she still is. He is her constant.


6. Favourite and least favourite childhood foods?

Favorite: mac and cheese.
Least favorite: brocolli or anything green.


7. If they had their childhood again, would they change anything?

Yes. Though it's impossible to change people, Fiona would want to change her mom and make her mom less perfectionistic. However, after Fiona goes through some things, she'd instead want to go back and try to make her relationship with her mom better.

8. What kind of child were they? Curious? Wild? Quiet? Devious?

Quiet, yet sassy when she felt like it. She was very introverted, but she had a temper. (Oh, wait, she still does.)


9. What was their relationship to their parents and siblings like?

As we've already touched on a little, Fiona had a really good relationship with her dad. Her mom? Not so much. Her mom had high expectations, which grated on Fiona's nerves, and they both have very strong opinions and are pretty stubborn. This made for an awkward and tense combination, and Fiona and her mom's relationship is still strained because of it. (Also, Fiona has no siblings as of right now.)


10. What did they want to be when they grew up, and what did they actually become?

When she was younger, she wanted to be a violinist who played solely for the pleasure of it. Much to her dismay, she did become a violinist, under circumstances she wasn't fond of, to say the least. Dreams do come true, but sometimes they turn out to be nightmares. (Ooh, that was accidentally profound.)

Happy June, writerlings! It's almost summer, and I honestly can't believe it. Come back, 2016--where are you going? (Stop, I don't want to chase you, this isn't funny anymore.)

For your summer relaxation, we have prepared a list of Beautiful People questions focused on your character's childhood!

But first...

I'm jumping in just before the linky closes to participate in Beautiful People for May. (Yes, yes, I do realize it is June now. I'm trying to get back into posting and writing, so what better way to do so than by participating in BP?

If you haven't joined yet, you can find out how here.


Today I'm talking about my character Kess Matthews. Kess has been around for about two years, and I've featured her a couple times before. However, I only just recently started trying to rewrite Metal and Bone, so I have even more incentive to get to know Kess even more.

She's a mechanic who takes care of her two younger siblings and lives on the coast in San Francisco. An ISTP, Kess looks at everything in a logical fashion and is constantly trying to understand how things tick. She does have a wild side, however, and will often be found with a different hair color each week.

1. How often do they smile? Would they smile at a stranger?

Kess is actually pretty pensive at first, but once you get to know her, she smiles often. She would probably not smile at a stranger because she'd be too caught up in her own little world, but if a stranger smiled at her, she'd certainly smile back.

2. What is the cruelest thing they’ve ever been told? And what was their reaction?

The cruelest thing was unintentionally cruel, but it was the news that her parents had died and it was implied to be her fault.

3. What is the kindest thing they’ve ever been told? And what was their reaction?

That she has a beautiful smile. She blushed, but she hid it down deep inside her for rainy days.



4. What is one strong memory that has stuck with your character from childhood? Why is it so powerful and lasting?

Going to the beach with her parents before her siblings came along. Her father threw her in the ocean and she and her mom made sand angels. It's a lasting memory because Kess remembers being so dang happy.

5. What book (a real actual published book!) do you think your character would benefit from reading?

This is HARD. Um... maybe I'll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson? I just think she'd enjoy the prose.

6. Have they ever been seriously injured? How severely? How did they react?

Kess accidentally cut her hand in her early days of being a mechanic. It wasn't too severe, but since it was on her palm, it hurt a ton. She reacted by swearing up a storm, then bandaging herself up.



7. Do they like and get along with their neighbours?

Yes! Kess' neighborhood is extremely well-knit, and even though Kess is a fairly private person, she still has made deep relationships with her neighbors, especially after her parents died.

8. On a scale from 1 to 10 (1 being easy and 10 being difficult) how easy are they to get along with?

I'd say about a 6. She's hard to get to know, but once she lets you in, you're golden.


9. If they could travel anywhere in the world, where would they go?

Paris or Barbados. Paris because it's the city of love, and Barbados because of the warmth and the tropical atmosphere.

10. Who was the last person they held hands with?

Either her siblings or her significant other, depending on the day.

Happy May, writerlings! (How is it that we're almost halfway through 2016 already?) Our deepest apologies for skipping April, but we both got caught up in writing and the busyness of life. Never fear though; we're back with 10 more questions for your enjoyment!

But first...