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| The faces that make up Corruption, one of my latest projects. Someday, they'll become brave enough to let me introduce them to you. |
In short, I'm not doing Camp NaNo. Yet.
August is the lucky charm, baby.
No, in all seriousness, I've been struggling with writing. The words won't come. I'm struggling with self-doubt. And wondering big, BIG questions such as, "What is it that I am called to write?"
I've always been very versatile with genres. I've written stuff that can only be defined as "chick-lit." I've written something that was some kind of weird suspense-novel-thing. I've written fantasy, which I love. But I have all these plots inside my head that don't fit inside these genres. Dystopic plots, plots about superheroes, plots about where the world has gone all wrong. Plots with guns and spaceships and hovercrafts. Plots with time travel and sunflowers and distant memories.
The problem is, I stink at writing sci-fi. More aptly, I don't know how to write sci-fi. When it comes to shows, I love it. I love watching things like Star Trek. I was practically raised on Star Trek. And more recently, I've been working my way through Doctor Who. I love the stars, the ships, the star captains, the intrigue. I do love it.
But I don't know how to write it.
This recently came to my attention when Corruption's plot completely fell apart. Two days before June's edition of Camp NaNo was supposed to begin.
It. Was. Insane.
I don't even know how to describe the emotions that went through me. I had a plot. I had thirteen beautiful chapters of semi-outlined material and then it... just... vanished.
Well, not exactly. I will admit that there were some events leading up to the sudden Vanishing of My Plot. I'd been struggling with a scene that involved a hovercraft chase and then fighting on foot. I personally think I stink at writing contemporary or futuristic combat scenes. Swords, I like. I don't know much about them, but I can muddle through writing a duel well enough. As for guns... well, it's not that I don't like them. I just don't know anything about them. And I had no idea how to get my main characters out of the situation they were currently in. Outnumbered. In a desert with three guys on their trail. With a broken down hovercraft. Oh, and did I mention that one of the characters was in a wheelchair?
So there was a bit of foreshadowing leading up to the sudden Vanishing of My Plot. It's just that when it did vanish, it was abrupt, unexpected, and well... sudden. Not to mention untimely. Thirteen chapters of my outline were now scrapped because I took the time to poke a stick at my plot.
As the Doctor says, "There is something here that doesn't make sense… Let's go poke it with a stick!" I didn't expect my plot to completely collapse when I did so. Whatever sense my plot did have soon escaped like air oozing out of a deflated balloon. Normally I'd try to work around it, but I'd made it several choices that completely changed the flavor of the book and the way I wanted this novel to be. I need time to get it back to the way it was, and two days wasn't nearly enough.There are a plethora of other reasons why I won't be attempting June NaNo. I've been struggling with inspiration for a while now, and I guess that the only thing I can do is take a break. If I tried to write now, it would just create more frustration.
Not only that, but I prayed about it, and I felt God telling me to aim for August. Add to that some relational and emotional stress, and I wasn't sure I could write at all. It's a good thing too because when June began, the aforementioned emotional stress intensified. These emotions, ironically enough, are similar to ones that Elleri experiences in Corruption's plot, though I didn't plan it at the time. My plot collapsing was just the icing on the cake. As I've been thinking all week, Corruption's plot is now corrupted. :P
So I'm taking some time off. To think... pray... recover... heal. I've actually been getting inspiration for other projects like Silver Tears (which still needs a good ending) and Souvenirs (which I've deemed my two-year-trouble-child). I was surprised when inspiration for Souvenirs started to appear, as it's been a difficult project for nearly all of its existence.
My inspiration is returning. It's just taking its own sweet time.
I may end up finishing Silver Tears in July. Or I may need to wait and let my inspiration return. Hopefully by August, I'll feel up to writing this story. Or maybe another. After all, August may just be the lucky charm. (I certainly hope so!)
