(I haven't been sure how to write this post for a while now. As such, it's very disjointed. Please bear with me.)
Yeah. I don't really know how to process it either.
My week two weeks ago was filled with hospital trips: if my mom was going, so was I. I only didn't make it once. The first time I saw her, she wasn't very coherent and it was scary. Thankfully, due to some steroids to help reduce the swelling in her brain (she has four brain tumors...), she's been much more herself.
I haven't seen her for a week, but we'll be going to see her again soon. It's been hard, because while on the one hand it's nice to be able to say goodbye, there is so much pressure to make every moment profound, just in case it is your last one.
She's just too young, at least it feels that way, and that's what I keep coming back to. The unfairness of it all. This isn't right.
I know eventually it will be easier. But I can't even fathom the idea of a life without my grandma in it. I love her so much.
Please be praying for me and my family.
when your heart releases, you won't fall to pieces,
you'll let these old diseases lie
and your heart releases, you won't fall to pieces
and your breath comes crashing in
like perfect porcelain
- marianas trench
explanation for the title: when i found out, i turned on jon foreman on spotify. (yeah, jon foreman from switchfoot. he's done a few solo albums in his spare time.) his song broken from the start was playing. in that song, there's a line--"life is a gift like fresh cut roses." that line has stuck with me.